Love Factor: The Balancing of Two Urges

wild african loveFor as long as I can remember, I’ve dreamt of an amazing love; the type of love that transcends spiritual, emotional, and physical boundaries. In order to achieve this love that I require, I must educate myself on the urges of love, then I must learn to manage their balance. There are two love urges that are innate to all humans. One is the ‘give urge’, which is the impulse to exert love; it can be defined as external love satisfaction. The second is the ‘receive urge’, and this urge is an impulse that consumes love, and can be called the internal love satisfaction. With awareness of these human urges, comes the responsibility of managing them; make no excuse; they are directly interrelated and interdependent upon each other. More importantly, is the responsibility of educating yourself on the consequences of imbalance. The prerequisite for any conclusion must be the accurate defining of the word love.

Love, according to Webster, is a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person. When an individual feels affection for a person, they associate feelings of warmth, fondness, devotion, endearment, and friendship with that individual. These are all positive, and invigorating feelings that act as stimulus in a process of positive reinforcement. As humans, we all possess instinctual urges targeted towards the love factor. One of those urges is the ‘give urge’. This is our innate desire to exert love to those around us; this desire can be summarized as an external love satisfaction, since love is indeed a desire. While the ‘give urge’ can be looked at as both noble and selfless, complications can arise when this urge heavily outweighs its counterpart, the ‘receive urge’.

Humans have many natural drives, desires, and urges. One important urge, that helps prevent insanity from loneliness, is our ‘receive urge’ for love. This urge is the source of our hunger for affection, passion, and acceptance. Individuals who share mutual desires for affection from each other are indeed participating in a mentally, spiritually, and physically healthy practice; a practice that assists in their individual internal love satisfaction, as well as their strides in the process of self-actualization. How does the ‘receive urge’ assist in self-actualization, which is the process by which individuals discipline their behaviors to align with the idea of self-identity. Humans tend to see their selves as the reactors to outside influence. They also receive conformation in their worthiness of love, through the actions of the one’s they love (even when an individual’s worth isn’t rooted in the acceptance of individuals, external reinforcement aids in validating the thought of one’s self). Though the ‘receive urge’ is critical to feelings of internal love satisfaction, and can be associated with quality of knowing one’s self-worth (that you are worthy of receiving the love you’ve always imagined), a disproportionate amount of this urge could have consequential effects.

black couple formalThere is an old saying that “too much of anything is bad for you”. This can be summarized by the Chinese concept of Ying and Yang, which emphasizes the importance between a healthy balance of good and bad (pleasure and pain). It can argued that neither virtue would have affect or effect without the other, because our reactions are derived from the shifts between the two imposing stimulus. This is also the case when speaking on the balance between the love factor ‘give’ and ‘receive’ urges. Focusing wholly on giving leaves the individual in an emotional despair due to love deficiency. Someone who chooses to take this route will find themselves having feelings of decreased worth, loneliness, and they may even begin to feel ostracized and unappreciated. Placing all of one’s focus on receiving will lead to selfishness, and self-centeredness. Someone who takes this route will over time drain the love from the people they contact (since they don’t give, that love in those individuals will never be replenished), and will eventually find themselves alone, with no one to feed their egos.

I have a goal to engage in a mutually incredible partnership with a Beautiful Black Queen (BBQ). In order to achieve this, I must know that love is the state of continued affection towards someone. I must also become aware of the two urges of love: the ‘give urge’, and the ‘receive urge’. Along with educating myself on the existence and functionality of these urges, I must also come to understand the importance of a healthy balance of the two. So, to my future wife (the Queen of my empire), I expect you to expect as much love as you give. I require you to require and demand that corresponding treatment. I will accept nothing but what meets the standards that I have for myself, and you meet those standards. I want you to know that, though I am the head of the house, you are still the right side of my brain; know that I will stand with you on any and every occasion, and I can’t wait to fall in love with you. Get ready to receive and give, because I have the urge to show you exactly what I’m talking about. Signing off, but never offline!

Written by: Eugene ‘Geno’ Stanley

5 comments

  • Awesome!!!! This is a really good article a lot of people don’t really know the true meaning of love and how powerful the urge of love is but you hit right on the head I love it!! I myself never deeply thought of love in different aspects until this article….. job well done now you have merr thinking.

    Liked by 1 person

  • Okay this works. I identify with everything except the African American part. I’m 34. I’ve dated a lot but I’m just realizing I don’t think I’ve ever truly been in love. This has to do with me being needy and not knowing who I really am.

    Liked by 1 person

  • This is Lauren. I remember you saying that. I had wanted to be on the front lines but I wasn’t upset at you because I knew you meant well. Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

  • Illuminating! I enjoyed the article and it comparisons to a positive approach on love in the agreement of two individuals sharing this knowledge and these desires. This is perfect at such a pivotal point in my life. My views on this expression is partially emotional, but within a very engaging outlook!
    Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, as you can see, my views are emotional as well, so thats not a bad thing. In only my opinion, the lack of emotion is the issue that creates a barrier to successful relationships today. So much of our socialization is negative and counter to the ideals and practices that foster successful and fruitful partnerships. The true question is how do like minds identify with eachother, and how do we, in our goal towards love, shed our love-inhibitions. There must be a balance between allowing love an opportunity, and sheilding one’s self from becoming an opportunity for someone who wears the mask of love. I say, give what you feel an opportunity, and allow time and actions to prove what it really is. I can tell that you have this under wraps; I believe in you!

      Like

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